AOLTech***:	Welcome to Member Help Interactive.  Please present your 	question, and I will be with you in just a moment.   :)
Albadian:	i just installed aol 3.0 for windows95 on my computer and now 	my computer keeps telling me that i need to recompile my 	kernel, what do i do?
AOLTech***:	You need to go to http://www.microsoft.com and download the 	kernel32.dll update for your computer.
Albadian:	but i am using a windows emmulator on my linux machine
Albadian:	i use the emmulator to run aol
AOLTech***:	Then I recommend you contact Microsoft or Linux, that is how 	you fix that error. :)
Albadian:	but linux is not a company
Albadian:	how can i contact them
Albadian:	?
Albadian:	if i contact them it will be fixed?  do they fix my computer 	online?
AOLTech***:	They are a software made by a company. You read your 	manuals to see who developed it and where their support it. 	Nothing is designed without support.
Albadian:	and why would i contact microsoft if im using linux?
AOLTech***:	Because you are getting a Microsoft error in a microsoft 	created file.
Albadian:	linux has no support because it is freeware
Albadian:	so linux kernels are made by microsoft?
AOLTech***:	Everything has support through those who develop it, they do 	not release it unto the world and say tough luck. kernel32 is 	NOT a linux kernel.
Albadian:	do you know linus torvalds?
Albadian:	i need to talk to him
AOLTech***:	No, since we will not make an AOL software for Linux, we are 	not required to know it.
Albadian:	well, linux has no official support because it is freeware
Albadian:	nobody is paid to do tech support for it
Albadian:	why doesnt aol make aol software for linux?
Albadian:	linux runs at least 75% of the internet
AOLTech***:	You would have to email screen name SteveCase, make it 	attention to the software developers, and ask them.
Albadian:	stevecase? does he make any of the software?
Albadian:	he looks like a technical guy
AOLTech***:	No, stevecase mail is where all mail to AOL goes, and is 	distributed to the right group.
Albadian:	does steve case know how to program?
Albadian:	i am just curious
AOLTech***:	I am not aware of his credentials.
Albadian:	oh, i bet he can help me
Albadian:	do you have his number?
AOLTech***:	I bet you will not get Linux support from AOL support either. 	No, I do not have his number, it is not available.
Albadian:	does steve case work for bill gates?
AOLTech***:	No
Albadian:	does he know bill gates?
AOLTech***:	No idea.
Albadian:	do you know bill gates?
AOLTech***:	Yeah, eat lunch with him on Fridays at the country club.
Albadian:	i think bill is a very smart fellow
Albadian:	really WOW!!!!
Albadian:	if i become a guide can i meet bill gates?
AOLTech***:	If you live in Redmond, Wa you can. Has nothing to do with 	guides.
Albadian:	ask bill if he knows steve next time you see him please
Albadian:	do you live in redmond?
AOLTech***:	I will, but I am talking about Bill Gates the Groundskeeper, we 	might be speaking of two different people.
Albadian:	no, i was talking about bill the groundskeeper too
Albadian:	is there another guy named bill gates?
AOLTech***:	Whew, good deal. Thought we were not communicating right. 	He is a pretty great guy for a hobo. I am sure there are a few 	others in the world.
Albadian:	why is bill a groundskeeper if he owns such a big company?
AOLTech***:	Pyramid Janitorial is not that big!
Albadian:	its not?
Albadian:	i thought it just bought out microsoft
Albadian:	hmm
AOLTech***:	Nope, only 5 employees. Not sure how he could acquire such 	a big company.
Albadian:	my stock broker was lying to me
AOLTech***:	Sounds like it.
Albadian:	well, i bet he can make lots of money mowing lawns in the 	summer
AOLTech***:	Probably, I did when I was a boy.
Albadian:	could you buy microsoft?
AOLTech***:	Microsoft Office maybe, the company; no.
Albadian:	i would not want to buy microsoft, id rather own burger king
Albadian:	well the office building is a start....
AOLTech***:	Yeah, and I already know a good janitorial service.
Albadian:	janitors make good money
AOLTech***:	They sure do, almost as much as those people who hawk 	newspapers in the middle of intersections.
Albadian:	why would i want to be an engineer if i could make more 	money as a janitor?
Albadian:	my teacher tells me i should be an engineer
AOLTech***:	I know, foolish college people with their degrees!
Albadian:	because i know 6502 assembly language
Albadian:	she thinks it is as hard as pascal or something
AOLTech***:	I know, her and her Fortran training.
Albadian:	fortran is fun
Albadian:	i love making scientific programs
Albadian:	great fun at parties
AOLTech***:	Yep, and one day it will replace VB completely. LOL
Albadian:	vb is too hard, id rather do something easy like ada
Albadian:	who is ada anyway?
Albadian:	i hear she is fat
Albadian:	she is ooooold isnt she?
AOLTech***:	Yeah, anything that doesn't have those complicated 	00000010000 schemes to it. They hurt my eyes.
AOLTech***:	Ada is the cooking lady at the other AOL building.
Albadian:	does she make biscuits?
AOLTech***:	When her goiter is not acting up.
Albadian:	goiter?
Albadian:	she works in a kitchen and she cant find enough iodine?
AOLTech***:	 : an enlargement of the thyroid gland visible as a swelling of 	the front of the neck -- compare HYPERTHYROIDISM, 	HYPOTHYROIDISM
Albadian:	i know what a goiter is, i have a few
AOLTech***:	Sounds painful, a hot needle should reduce the swelling.
Albadian:	i collect swollen thyroids
Albadian:	me and her should start a goiter club
AOLTech***:	Could be a sound investment.
Albadian:	hot needles dont work as well as a power drill on complex 	goiters
Albadian:	do you think there is much hope in trading goiter futures?
AOLTech***:	Possibly, as long as you do not put too much into mutual 	funds.
Albadian:	hmm, i gotta put the kids through diesel school somehow you 	know
AOLTech***:	Truck drivers make a fair living. And they can legally drink and 	drive.
Albadian:	my girls are all fine mechanics
AOLTech***:	Enough to make a parent proud huh?
Albadian:	im darn proud
Albadian:	hey, isnt being an aol guide a sissy job?
AOLTech***:	Not too sure, I have never talked to them sissies.
AOLTech***:	LOL
Albadian:	are you one of them hax0rs?
Albadian:	my son is a hax0r he says
AOLTech***:	No, I am a genuine employee with the love of his company to 	guide him throughout his day.
Albadian:	could i ask you a big favor?
AOLTech***:	As long as I do not compromise the integrity of my company.
Albadian:	you own it?
AOLTech***:	Anyone with AOL stocks owns a part of the company.
Albadian:	well, would you do something for my grandma, little timmy?
Albadian:	she is sick and dying
Albadian:	make a wish will not do it for her
Albadian:	they are all communists i think
AOLTech***:	Communists led by Sally Struthers.
Albadian:	how did you know? are you a spy?
AOLTech***:	No, she gave me a personal rejection notice.
Albadian:	man, want me to get her for you?
Albadian:	ill get my son to hax0r her
AOLTech***:	That is ok, I do not think my wife would appreciate it too 	much. Thanks for the extension of kindness though.
Albadian:	oh ok
Albadian:	little timmy is getting worse
AOLTech***:	Well, cancer is now going to be cured within the month, 	maybe there is hope yet.
Albadian:	could you please say "N34t0 3l170 0wn5 (V)3!!!!!!!!!!!" for him?
AOLTech***:	Yes, I will say it outloud. My keyboard is missing the 	parenthesis keys and I am unable to copy and paste. 
Albadian:	pleeeease
Albadian:	well do it without parenthesis then pleeeeease
AOLTech***:	Wouldn't Timmy be upset that it lost the aesthetic value in the 	loss of those keystrokes?
Albadian:	"cough, cough", says little timmy
Albadian:	replace the (V) with m then
Albadian:	a dying boy/girl cannot afford to be picky
AOLTech***:	N34t0 3l170 0wn5 (V)3!!!!!!!!! is ok. :)
Albadian:	little timmy and i thank you with all of our hearts
Albadian:	you are the kindest guide ever
AOLTech***:	I only hope that it is enough to allow him to continue yet one 	more day. 
Albadian:	tech i mean
AOLTech***:	And the techs shudder at the guide slip.
Albadian:	i am going to send your employer a reccomendation to give 	you a raise
Albadian:	i am terribly sorry for calling you a tech
Albadian:	i was overwhelmed with excitement
AOLTech***:	I appreciate the recommendation, and I am sorry you 	inadvertently called a tech a guide, then slipped back to 	saying you accidentally said tech. :)
Albadian:	i am still quite overwhelmed by the excitement as little timmy 	takes his first steps in years due to your kind gift
AOLTech***:	As long as theprosthetics remain intact, may his heart 	consistantly favor the vigor of his keepers. :)
Albadian:	god bless you brother
AOLTech***:	I am happy to assist in what little way I can.
Albadian:	you are man of the year at my GED class
Albadian:	and all of my AA and NA meetings
AOLTech***:	I am happy to hear that. I only hope that the 12 steps toward 	better living have helped.
Albadian:	timmy has come off of smack completely
AOLTech***:	Good for him, it is especially hard for 3 year olds!
Albadian:	shure is
Albadian:	especially for inbred 3 year olds
AOLTech***:	That is true, I feel bad for kids who are stuck in loaves.
Albadian:	yeah, unless it is good bread
AOLTech***:	Yeah, rye is not too bad.
Albadian:	im going to build you a church
Albadian:	and a lot of sandwiches
AOLTech***:	If you could put a Taco Bell inside, it would be all the more 	appreciated.
Albadian:	and ill get lil billy to make you a keyboard interrupt handler
Albadian:	ill build the church out of taco bells
Albadian:	like a big taco leggo thingy
AOLTech***:	Sounds great, as long as no big breezes or Jenny Craigers 	come by.
Albadian:	ill put a sign outside that says "AOLTech***" only
Albadian:	and ill even punctuate it correctly for you
AOLTech***:	You are assuming those who would venture inwards are 	capable of literacy then.
AOLTech***:	Good call.
Albadian:	40L 73cH ***
Albadian:	that is your new 31337 handle lil billy says
AOLTech***:	Thanks Billy, I will make sure to form a greeting at a later time 	in high ascii only and send it his way.
Albadian:	i must go now to start construction on your shrine
Albadian:	you can visit anytime at http://america.net/~cochise/
AOLTech***:	I appreciate that, I will send a crew out to ensure there are no 	beggars theiving from the taco exterior. Thanks again!
Albadian:	well done
Albadian:	tell me what you think of your shrine when you see it
AOLTech***:	I will do that, I am sure it will live in my heart for decades to 	come as well as my screen.
Albadian:	also, visit the lovely cookie shrine while you are in the 	neighborhood
Albadian:	it will burn in to your screen so you will never forget
AOLTech***:	Cool, just like the old Pacman machines.
Albadian:	you are worshiped by all who worship you
AOLTech***:	And you are thought well of by those who think of you well.
Albadian:	speak not of me for you are the holy one my lord and savior
AOLTech***:	Ah my child, go easy, and with much grace.
Albadian:	god be praised
AOLTech***:	He is my child, he is.
Albadian:	i go with ease only with the help of your holy tacos
AOLTech***:	Holey? I knew those miscreants would get to them, I must be 	off to fend for the tacos!
Albadian:	i will fight for your cause
Albadian:	off we go now to defend the holy land!!!!!
AOLTech***:	Armed with only carne asade and a gordita, I ride into the 	night.
Albadian:	i, your faithful servant patsy, gallop alongside my glorious 	leader
AOLTech***:	In the meantime, I am wrapping up the end of my shift here, 	so big you adeu until a later time when we may ride together 	once more.
Albadian:	such an opportune time to visit your shrine
Albadian:	it pains me so but, fairwell
AOLTech***:	I will do so before I depart, in the meantime, farewell to arms. 	(they are a burden)