United Loan Gunmen

We felt that this is of such importance that we had to bring to you, the public, this surprising information that we have gathered while inside the networks of C-SPAN. While sifting threw the collected data on C-SPAN's networks, we have found a transcript that we feel wasnt ment to be seen by the public. While we will not use the actual names of the people involved this is a transcript of a recorded phone conversation between a US Secretary and the leader of a large Middle East country.

This transcript was dated April 5th, 1983 and was encrypted with 40-bit encryption. What you will read may upset and disturb you, but this is what we found.

What you see is unedited and has been reformated to fit this HTML.


PM: Prime Minister's office. Prime Minister Speaking.

US:Greetings... This is the Secretary of War at the State Department of the United States...
   We have a problem. The companies want something done about this sluggish world economic 
   situation... profits have been running a little thin lately and we need to stimulate some
   growth. Now we know there's an alarmingly high number of young people roaming around in 
   your country with nothing to do but stir up trouble for the police and damage private 
   property. It doesn't look like they'll ever get a job. It's about time we did something 
   constructive with these people. We've got thousands of 'em here too. They'er crawling all 
   over... the companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get-together, and 
   start another war. The President? He loves the idea! All of those missiles streaming to 
   and fro.. Napalm... people running down the road, skin on fire.. The Soviets seem up for
   it.. The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years. How about a little going 
   away present for Mr. Breshnad. Hell, Afghanistan's no fun... So whadya say?  We dont even 
   have to win this war. We just want to cut down on some of this excess population. 

   Now look, just start up a draft: Draft as many people as you can. We'll call up every last
   youngster we can get our hands on, hand 'em some speed, give 'em an hour or two to learn 
   how to use an automatic rifle and send 'em on there way.. Libya? El Salvador? How 'bout 
   Northern Ireland? Or a "moderately repressive regime" in South America. We'll just cook up
   a good Soviet threat story in the Middle East - we need that oil. We had Lybia all ready to
   go and Colonel Khadafy's hit squad didn't even show up. I tell ya.. that man is unreliable.
   The Kremlin had there fingers on the button just like we did for that one.     

   Now just think for a minute - we can make this war so big... SO big.. the more people we 
   kill in this war, the more the economy will prosper. We can get rid of practially everybody
   on your dole queues if we plan this right. Take every loafer on welfare right off our 
   computer rolls.. Now don't worry about those demonstrators - just pump up your drug supply. 
   So many people have hooked themselves on heroin and amphetamines since we took over, it's 
   just like Vietnam. We had everybody so busy with LSD they never got to strong. It's easy.

   We've got our college kids so interested in beer they don't even care if we start manufactoring
   germ bombs again. Put a nuclear stockpile in there back yard, they wouldnt even know what it 
   looked like... So how about it?.... I mean...

   Look... war is money. The arms manufacturers tell me unless we get our bomb factories up to 
   full production the whole economy is going to collapse... The Soviets are in the same boat.
   We all agree the time as come for the big one.
   So whadya say?!?!

US:That's excellent. We knew you'd agree. The companies will be very pleased.


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